Finally, something that actually ran in my friend's short lived, but well received d. magazine out of Red Bank, NJ. I had taken a stab at a screenplay (which stalled), but did manage to finish the article to good reviews. I'll get back to it... one of these days.
Amateur Screenplay Confidential
My Cinematic Battle with Procrastination
By Cecil B. Delayed
How the hell did that movie ever get made?!” How many of us have uttered that line after an ill-spent 2 hours and 10 bucks? My grandmother can write better crap than that (may she rest in peace). Hey, I can write better crap than that! Can’t I?
On the other hand, after seeing a great film with its gripping story, sweeping cinematography, engaging dialogue and memorable scenes, how could you not be inspired? This is how all movies should be - so tight, not a wasted frame. These are the kinds of movies I would write if I were a professional screenwriter - which, of course, I am not. I’m a graphic designing ad guy by trade. Yet, advertising is in the visual arts, isn't it? Even if it is a poor third cousin, twice removed from film.
I’ve always said (mostly to myself) that had I not gone to art school, film would have been my alternate career path - a less delusional version of George Costanza’s affinity for architecture and marine biology. In recent years, however, I’ve thought: “Why not me? I’m a pretty creative guy with a flair for words and pictures. Why should I let the title on my smartly designed business card hold me back?” This is the age of second acts and one-man brands. I know lots of people who have shifted gears & careers. A software selling neighbor dreamed of running a proper English Steakhouse (much to the horror of his vegetarian wife and daughter). He wound up buying a popular Italian restaurant. Tonight’s Special: Shepherd’s Pizza Pie. A former ad boss of mine started a local newspaper and mini publishing empire. I even know a photographer who started his own magazine, if you can believe that. So, why not me?
I started my plan slowly, methodically and covertly (besides my wife, you’re only the second to know). To educate myself about screenwriting I began buying used screenplay books (read cheap) on www.amazon.com. I can only dream that future hopefuls will one day buy my screenplay books for 76 cents, plus shipping. I ordered Good Will Hunting by Matt Damon & Ben Affleck, amateurs themselves at that time, and Swingers by Jon Favreau, also a beginner then. Compilations of screenplays by Ed Burns, Barry Levinson and John Sayles were both helpful and extra economical. I wanted to get some by the Coen brothers, but drew the line at a buck.
Next, I ordered books on “the craft” of screenwriting itself. The first had the shamelessly appealing title How to Write a Movie in 21 Days by Viki something. The title has long since proved false. However, I did take away two enlightening bits of information. One is that the main character, or star of my story, is me. Or in your case, you! I also learned that all the story ideas I had were based on some part of my life experience. How could it not? The second is that people write different types of stories (screenplays) at different stages of their lives. Consider the stories someone in their 20’s would write vs. someone in their 40’s, 60’s, and beyond. I imagined a tangled scene at Ye Old Screenwriters Home as people with blue hair and black fingers wrestled with ribbon on some ancient Olivetti.
Chris Keane’s How to Write a Selling Screenplay provided me the nuts & bolts of screenplay structure. This would prove very, make that painfully, important later on. I was surprised (not really) to learn how formulaic the whole process is. For starters, all movies are about problem solving in one way or another. Once you introduce your main character you should identify his or her problem or goal and what he or she will need to do to solve the problem or achieve the goal.
I mostly followed Keane's step by step advice on writing successful screenplays. First, I made a list of all the characters in my story. Then wrote the mini-treatment — a 4 page basic telling of the story using the standard three act format: setup, confrontation & resolution. This was followed by a brief description of the entire story's scenes called the scene breakdown. I learned about the various ways to open a movie. The first 10 pages are critical, as this is where you grab the viewer’s attention, introduce the main characters and establish a sense of time, location, genre and premise. So, with my head full of information and heart full of inspiration, I was ready to write.
And write I did! I shot out of the gate like a frantic, first-time screenwriter (or some less literal analogy). I was giddy as page after witty page flowed from my brain to my monitor. Time and page count just flew by. Maybe that 3 week screenplay scam wasn’t such a scam after all. What if I finish in two weeks? I could use the extra week to make edits and copies. Or better yet, shop for an agent and maybe even a tux. You never know.
At some point I stopped to breathe and realized that I had cranked out a whopping 35 pages! It wasn’t until I re-read those 35 action-packed pages that I noticed I had a problem. A BIG problem. Remember those first 10 pages that are supposed to set the stage? No stage! I got so enamored with backstory that I flew right past key story markers like the inciting incident. This is the big event or turning point that occurs about 15 minutes (or pages) into the script and kicks the story into gear. My inciting incident was nowhere in sight. At the rate I was going I’d have a 300 page, hernia inducing script yielding a 5 hour, insomnia inducing movie. Bad idea! Okay - rookie mistake, time to step back and see where my allegedly careful planning went screwy.
As you may have gleaned from this article, I have a tendency towards verbosity, verbal excess, rattling on. Screenplays need to be concise and so do I. They should start as close as possible to the current, key moment in the main character’s life. I knew what I had to do - go back and do some fundamental restructuring. No major gutting or slash job - just get to the point quicker, start the story later and sprinkle in backstory to help people connect the dots. Sounds like an objective, reasoned approach to a rather disappointing development. I’ll get right on it.
That was a year ago.
That fundamental restructuring thing was not as painless as I’d hoped. Rather than tackle things head on, I side-stepped the issue by continuing to write individual scenes - wonderful scenes I’d been seeing and hearing in my mind and was certain would make the final cut. But that so-called progress was just a mask for something more problematic. It turns out that, in addition to verbosity, I also have issues with procrastination. In fact (full disclosure/irony of ironies), it’s also what my screenplay is about - a gifted artist shoves his gift in a closet and lets procrastination rob himself, and the world, of something really special.
Where do I get these ideas?
*When not screenwriting, which is often, Cecil goes by the name of Joe Landi
